Chapter 21: Working Together in Harmony

“-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Anya wails like the world is ending, holding her head in her hands.

It’s a strange way of saying “yes,” but I’m an open-minded guy. Cultural differences are a natural consequence of being this far from home. As I am the foreigner in this context, I carry the solemn responsibility to make the extra effort to figure out what she really means.

In my humble opinion, her wail translates roughly to: “Yes, I shall support your laudably heroic endeavors. Thanks for including me in your grand adventure, and I completely got that you were talking mainly to me and not to Chad. Let us dash ardently towards the bright horizon, hand in hand, battling side by side against the trials that come, leaving Chad behind in this smelly underground hole filled with snot-goblins. As allies, as lovers, as lifelong companions.”

Some people might be turned off when she comes on that strong, but not me. I respect the will it must have taken for her to say all those embarrassing things out loud.

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKKKHHHHH!”

She continues wailing, possibly expressing her burning spirit for adventure. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Chad sidling up to me with a Chadlike expression on his rat face.

I don’t really need his support. It seems like he was inspired by my speech as well, but I kind of expected he would flee in Chadlike fear after such brave words. Instead, he’s invading my personal space. I just can’t deal with this guy. This rat, whatever.

“What do you want, Chad?” I ask.

“To move to the safest spot.”

“You’re too close. Go away, Chad.”

“I don’t follow your orders. And I don’t want to die.”

Meanwhile, Anya’s celebration reaches a new stage. Strands of blue mist start collecting in both palms with an extreme pace as she starts mumbling, far exceeding the speed when the leader snot-goblin created the green ball.

In the next moment, the collected blue mist in her hands abruptly lights on fire. The heat is strong enough to feel it from here.

She starts throwing fire in seemingly random directions, but mostly upwards. Oh. I get it. Fireworks. She’s celebrating in style now.

The fireworks don’t explode in the sky, though. Instead, they arc high above, and drop down on the land below. Where they explode. Violently. Within a few short seconds, the former arena and the surrounding area is covered in a sea of flames, excepting a 20 meter radius around Chad and I.

“Are the fireworks malfunctioning?” I wonder aloud.

Chad angles his rat face towards me. I can’t read his expression.

“How did you even survive to adulthood? I thought for certain you would have accidentally wandered onto the freeway chasing a colorful balloon by now.”

“I don’t let balloons escape, Chad. My reflexes are too good for that to be an issue. I don’t chase. I strike, like the claws of the noble hawk. Such as when they close tightly around a rat, for instance.”

“…”

Chad doesn’t respond, but I can tell he’s threatened. Scared. I’m getting to him. I’m in his tiny rat brain. All up in there.

Meanwhile, Anya’s starts throwing fireworks higher and higher. A few hit the ceiling, but most just make it farther away from us. I notice more than a few of them end up arcing towards the direction of the snot-goblin village.

Actually, almost all of them are headed that direction, for some reason. I hear some faraway sounds reminiscent of anguished screams.

“THIS IS YOUR FAULT! YOU FILTHY FUCKING DEGENERATE ACID IMPS COULDN’T EVEN FINISH THE JOB! INSTEAD, YOU JUST TRIED AND FAILED TO SCREW ME OVER! YOU MISERABLE FAILURES! YOU VILE WRETCHES! FEEL THE INFERNAL HEAT OF YOUR IMPENDING EXTINCTION! BURN! BURRRRRRRRRNNNN!!!!”

The bright firelight falls on her body in a way that really highlights her feminine curves. Her dark hair is a great contrast with the red glare, and her eyes practically glow like gems. Even her horns look pretty hot for some reason. To be honest, I’m too distracted to listen to what she’s saying. I’m sure it’s something beautiful.

Some may say that I am acting like a moth hovering around an open flame. But I am no moth. If anything, I am a majestic, soaring eagle, even if I were to suddenly catch fire. Especially if I catch fire, maybe, since a flaming eagle is even more awesome than a normal eagle.

Several minutes later, she finally stops throwing her defective fireworks. The distant village has become a rather large bonfire by the time the flames surrounding Chad and I finally die down.

She’s breathing fairly heavily by the time she turns towards us.

“Nice fireworks,” I offer.

She blinks in response. She looks over at Chad, who shrugs.

“So this is who he really is, you said? There are no hidden layers? No secret plots? This disappointment is all there is?”

“As far as I know, he’s worse now than he was in middle school.”

“Shut up, Chad. I have more layers than an onion.” I say under my breath. Is there no limit to how far he’ll go to cockblock me?

She shakes her head before returning her gaze to me.

“I suppose I have to accept reality now,” she says finally.  “And the chances of your accidental death have just declined drastically. So you want my aid? My support? Fine. The first thing I’m going to do to support you is improve your substandard brain function.”

“If I am to be fated to follow you around and serve like a leashed cur for the rest of your pathetic human lifespan, the least you can do to repay me is to give me interesting tasks to stave off death by boredom. Conquer, pillage, burn, wage bloody war on weaker planes, rule over a vast kingdom via means of brutal oppression; anything’s fine. As long as it’s something with purpose. A task that a thinking mind can respect.”

“Okay,” I respond, scratching my head, without really listening. I’m still thinking about her seductive appearance in the firelight. Mmm.

“Alright, the first stop on your road to mental competency should still be where I buried it that way,” she says, pointing in the opposite direction of the town-sized bonfire. “It would be better and longer lasting if we could deal with those memories of yours, probably, but I’m desperate here. We need a quick bandaid before one of your random orders gets us both killed.”

She then pauses, appraising me with her gaze.

“Too far for your stumpy legs. I can’t wait days to solve this problem. Plus, it seems like that arm won’t regenerate anytime soon. I doubt you can walk very far in this state.”

She flashes away towards the area where she’d apparently been sculpting earlier, the only area that seems to have escaped the fireworks celebration (other than the area around Chad and I). I hear a few more suspicious sounds before she returns with some suspicious meat that she flash-fries and unceremoniously stuffs in my mouth.

“There you go,” she says. “You must have been hungry. Demon meat is very dense, so you don’t need to eat as often as you used to, but it’s probably about time, right?”

“Demon meat?” I say suspiciously. I feel my |Danger Sense| activating. “From where?”

She struggles a bit before responding, “I am not allowed to answer that question honestly, since the answer might cause psychological harm. But the nutrition should be fine.”

Her eyes dance as she smiles.

… Memory deleted.

“At any rate,” Anya says,  her smile shifting to dissatisfaction, “I will still have to carry you there. I suppose I can endure one indignity for the sake of quicker resolution.”

“No need to worry about me,” I respond confidently. “I can’t help but wonder about your eyes, though. Can you not see my two toned arms? One flesh-colored, one blue? Maybe we should be worried about you instead. Don’t worry, I can carry you if you have trouble walking when you go blind.”

She shakes her head, refusing, and in the next moment, I found myself slung across her back securely, with Samson now in her hand instead of mine. Her back is soft and warm. She has me wrapped up securely without being too tight, almost like she’s trying hard not to hurt me. It’s very comfy.

I can’t let her know I enjoy being carried. It would ruin my carefully constructed masculine image.

“Never mention this incident again in the future,” she says. “I’m not doing this because I want to.”

“Ahem,” Chad says, from behind us. “I’ll just be going then. I don’t think you need me anymore, right? I’ll be taking this with me, though,” He says, clutching the remains of the random severed arm. “Good luck and everything.”

Anya says nothing as she grabs him unceremoniously by the hairy neck.

She starts dashing deeper into the cave at an incredible speed as Chad is road-hauled behind us. I am pleased in my comfortable seat. All is right with the world.

We progress through countless tunnels and ancient paths so quickly I don’t have time to count them. Anya must have either been here before, or is using some method to navigate I don’t really understand. Gradually, the landscape seems to change and the dirt below us grows less filthy. Soon, high white walls soon loom before us as we enter a huge underground cavern.

I’m a bit disappointed by how fast we arrive at our destination. To my surprise, she barely reacted during the journey as I accidentally brushed her surprisingly soft chest a few times during the journey with my blue hand. I couldn’t help it, the wind resistance made it hard to stay stable. It’s no surprise when accidents happen. As a perfect gentleman, I have nothing to feel ashamed about.

I can see daylight streaming in from somewhere , but it seems like it might be coming from the other side of the white walls. I can see a few high rooftops over the top of the wall.

It’s possible that this city functions as a gateway to the caves. At the very least, it doesn’t look all that dark inside, and the stone looks clean and well-maintained.

Far away, I can see the white walls merging into the edges of the cave. It doesn’t look like there’s any way around except through the yawning gate ahead.

The drawbridge is exactly what I would have imagined from a fantasy world. So far, this world has been distressingly empty of neat medieval taverns and large black castles. This seems promising. My adventure senses are tingling. I wonder excitedly if there’s a castle inside.

“Alright,” she says, stopping about a kilometer away from the massive gate. “I don’t recognize this construction, but what I buried should still be located inside. I doubt anyone in there actually has the capability to remove a spell of Imprisonment. We need to do some information gathering.”

Chad moans painfully on the ground as his neck is released. How Chadlike, always trying to get attention. Nobody cares that you were road-hauled at supersonic speeds, it doesn’t make you special.

“From here on, I’m going to follow you secretly. I learned my lesson from our last experience. I’d rather not appear together and have others question the nature of our relationship. Nobody should be asking the wrong questions as long as you appear alone.”

“You want me to go in there alone?”

“Not alone, I’ll still be following you. Remember, I have no choice. And I’ll protect you if you get in trouble. Again, I have no choice.”

“Oh, I see, you have no choice,” I say, with a knowing smile and a wink.

She stares at me for a couple seconds before responding, “I dearly hope the winking ceases when your wisdom increases.”

Psh, whatever Anya. You’re not fooling anyone. Just give up your token resistance already.

“So what am I looking for? Are you sure I need wisdom that badly? I’ve managed to become this awesome already just the way I am. I think I should start by learning swordsmanship. I wanna be a swordsman.”

“Just shut your mouth already and do what I tell you. You will search for rumors of a magical object sealed somewhere near the middle of the city. If there are no rumors, we’ll just have to dig down, and I will unseal it.”

“Jonathan,” Chad says from his spot on the ground. “Shut up and do what she tells you.”

“Rat,” she says. “Stay here until I give you permission to move. You are unnecessary in this operation.”

The chain flashes.

“No problem,” he says. “Bring me back some fingers if you lose any.”

“Oh, worm,” she says. “Before I forget, take this back.”

She returns Samson to me.

“By the way, you may want to recharge him with your mana. I noticed his battery has expired from overuse. If he’s awake and feels like protecting you, that’s less work for me, so I recommend you keep him supplied.”

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